Is there life when you're unemployed?

Life as a 99’er

I remember when I first got laid-off in May of 09. I wasn’t worried about finding another position. I’d always worked; even through the Regan years. I do hope America has learned that trickle down doesn’t work; the rich didn’t get that way by being a giving lot. I’ve wondered off topic, please read on. I did worry about the people I had gotten to know a love; I’d miss them. My being laid-off was odd but so was the week before I got the word. The incredible gal I worked with was doing all the side work before I came in, I figured something was up but I was blind-sided with losing my position. I asked why at the time and was met with a smile, and me being me I let it go, and torched myself later, that was a huge mistake; I later found out. Not knowing why and my trail of tears due to all the rejection almost killed me.

I’ve worked since I was three years old. When I was young we were pretty much nomads and I sang in taverns for gas money, gleamed farm field, and generally lived off the land. It was fun. Then my family settled down, they bought a business and us kids worked the family business; again fun. I left home not under the best of circumstances; I was 16 and again worked. I joined Vista, a branch of the Peace Core and worked; when I got out after two years, I continued working, mostly in fast food. The hours were good and since I was a bit of a party girl being hung over wasn’t an issue there. I floated around for years doing fast food and retail; having fun.

Then came the family and I need to land a real job, what I call butt work. I went back to school and got a certificate as an Accounting Clerk and Receptionist. I landed a good job and by that I mean it paid more than .90 cents an hour. It was fun I got to dress up and didn’t smell like a hamburger. I bounced around due to my Childs needs; anybody that had children knows what I’m talking about; I needed flexibility and most office positions don’t allow for that. So I went back to Retail and continued to parent. When my little one got older I went back out to land a “real position” and got one through a friend. I enjoyed that position so much. I loved the people I worked with, and they seemed to like me. They all had at least 3 degrees and there I was with my little certificate. They didn’t mind and I can tell you nether did I, they gave me so much.

Then came the Regan years, I was working. Fast food but it paid the bills and I could get all the hours I needed, it all worked out and I always saw an end of the tunnel. After Regan left office I landed an incredible position and as usually that one petered out as well, the doors closed. I was beginning to feel like if you hire me, plan on your doors closing. I got sick and couldn’t work for a year, we lost the house and ended filing bankruptcy; left my little town and friends and my reputation, to start new. I got the medical help I needed and mended well. I landed a position with a bank and thought this time I’ll have a career, there are banks on every corner. I thought I had it made. Looking back it’s laughable. I’m a Customer Service person, I enjoy helping others. Well just as I landed my first baking position banks started the money game. Only the haves got service, and if you were not white you got finger printed. It was sickening so I ended up working at a credit union. That went well for a long time; I seem to fit. Then came the change for credit unions. They searched high and low for used car sales persons to run the branches. I saw it but tried to let it roll off my back, I did my job and went home being able to sleep at night. Then came the kiss of death. A serial bank robber came to our branch. I saw him come in, I stood up to greet him, I kept eye contact with him he did his trade mark transaction but did not rob me. I reported him to the branch manager; she sat on the information and he went down the street and robbed our sister branch. They had left the teller out there alone and she was the perfect target. Well I was kicked to the curb because if I said anything about what happened they could have been sued and put out of business. I ended up at a call center, oh a what a job, and I’d never worked with people that were so dedicated to customer service; I was in heaven. The unfortunate part is the building was in a slue and full of mold; I had a very bad reaction to the building and had to find new employment. That’s when I found my last position, the one that didn’t tell me why I was let go.

Like I said earlier I’d always worked and for one reason or another beyond my control I’ve looked for a lot of jobs and found them. Not this time; it was and is like I’m poison. The first six month of rejection took its toll on me, physically and mentally. I kept asking myself what happened, why was I unemployable? What had I done? Did it have something to do with my last job and why did they let me go? I thought if I could learn that secret maybe I could change and become employable, I began to spiral down to a very dark place; I even started to go through the obituaries to see if someone dies that did the same work as me. I began to forget things, my typing was becoming gibberish, I couldn’t get a complete dinner on the table. I was lost and full of rage; I frightened myself. By the time a year rolled around and I still wasn’t employed I cracked. I called a hot line and dumped it all on them; I’m sure I wasn’t being very coherent. they told me two important things. If I found myself behind the wheel of the vehicle with a gun in my lap getting ready to shoot people that had positions that I was qualified for to drive myself to Bellevue and tell them. The second thing she told me was to call SSI. I promised I would and I did. The SSI thing, and never did hit the streets to make room for me.

SSI sent me to a psychiatrist who gave me a bunch of test and then put names on what was happening inside my head. The thing I remember most was when she said I had PTSD, it was like she slapped me. I’ve never been in a war!!! She explained that I’m in a heightened state and my mind is in survival mode; if my brain doesn’t think the input is going to affect my survival it kicks it out. Now how do you over-come something like that? I ran to my doctor and gave him the diagnosis and he explained all those scary words to me and gave me some medicine that helped me cope with my rage. Once the rage was under control I slowly began to think clearer. I continue to search for work only now I don’t get so intense about it. I’m in my second year now and still haven’t found a position and don’t know why. I applied for a job with a company close to home and the gals that were at the desk told me the manager wouldn’t hire me because she thought I might try to take her job; I think that had something to do with my age and experience, then why not ask me? I’ve had interviews where the interviewer was searching for reasons to not hire me. They advertised what they were looking for I answered the add, their machine picked my resume out, but once I got there they started adding requirements that wasn’t on the job description; things like needs to be-able to work both facilities on a moment’s notice. I ride the access bus; they see that when I arrive they know I can’t comply with that. It’s like they see me and run in the other direction.

I went to the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation, to get their help. Wouldn’t you know it my worker had no soul, she was an equal opportunity lazy cow; the only thing she has done for me so far is hand me a piece of paper that offers employer’s up to $10,000 in tax credits if they hire me; and still no takers. At this point I’m grateful for my medication.

When I first started my job search I had no problem applying for 2 – 3 jobs a day; now I’m lucky to apply for one a week because employers don’t want to hear from you if you’ve been unemployed for more than 6 months. I understand that those of us that are 55 or over have been the hardest hit with unemployment. Companies simply don’t want us, were experiences so that doesn’t make any sense to me. We understand we are not going to make the money we once did, we read the papers and know what’s going on in the business world. Most of us came up in a time where we gave all we had to our companies; we understood if we did right by them there would be work for tomorrow. Those ruled don’t apply anymore.

I have been deemed old and I never saw it coming; funny I don’t feel old. It is my firm belief that my being unemployed has nothing to do with me; it simply is what it is. I do believe that’s it our Representatives fault, they deregulated Wall Street, in turn Wall Street believed its own lies and brought our nation to its knees and that wasn’t good enough for them they took that bad paper and sold it to other nation bring them down too. They are living the high life as we fools bailed them out without regulations; I guess our Representatives thought they would do the right thing; after all look how well behaved they have been. Now our Representatives have abandoned us, marked us as lazy and a drain, it’s our fault, low income people are an drain on the national debt. Were down and it so easy to kick us. I’m praying that we stop taking the boot and start handing it out.

I understand the Republican plan to do nothing they have a plan to let us suffer, so they can rid themselves of President Obama and the democrats are sitting back to keep their hands clean, while Obama gets tossed under the bus. Right now there is a bill at the Ways and Means Committee HR589 that will add another tier so 99’ers can collect unemployment and spend those fund support their local business, and who knows create another job; save a home, save a family. But both parties will not budge while we sit here and suffer physically, mentally, socially, and morally. It’s beyond sad. We are acceptable losses as far as our legislators are concerned. They have called war between themselves and us….I’m waiting for that last straw to break when we get mad enough to hit the streets and take our government back peacefully. Governments job is to do for us “the people” what we cannot do for ourselves. We are not acceptable losses. Enough said